what is a 'normal' Sicilian temper??

[midoritori2014]

Ok. So growing up my mother was very verbally and emotionally abusive. My grandfather was to her as well. He was from Sicily and my mother was raised half in America, half there.

But, as an adult, as I've come to terms with our abusive relationship with them (I am totally fine now), I have to stop and wonder, how much is cultural? And how much is not?

Examples:

My grandfather would flip tables if food wasn't ready on time. He 'cut the bridge' with all of his family members over nothing. None of his children talk. And he only talks to one of his children.

My mother screams on top of her lungs, calling me all sorts of derogatory names. Growing up she told me I could do nothing right even though I went on to get highest GPA in my major, have been successful in life, family kids. Had a very straight and honest life- but she is very critical. Always tearing down. Always causing drama and yelling over small things. Even a few times, she floored her car down the highway with me in the car screaming "do you wanna die!".

So how much of this temper is cultural, and how much just isn't? Just curious.

Thanks!

[jennabet]

Maybe it's emotional mental illness. There is plenty of that in Italy.

[midoritori2014]

Haha. That's pretty much what I chalk it up too anyway.

[carubia]

My family was Sicilian but none of them behaved that way. Sure, they raised their voices a lot (that's cultural I guess), but not to say cutting, personal insults and criticisms. I think you'll find abusive people everywhere.

[113yearslater]

I think people are just what they are -- I've known many people who rant and rave and insult who aren't Italian or Sicilian. I think we tend to be a bit more expressive, but beyond that, I doubt any real generalizations would hold water. Some people anywhere are just ... well, jerks.

[PeterTimber]

I recently saw a Mexican film in which every other word was the worst imaginable and it is evident that vulgarity bridges ignorance wherever education is sparse and prevalent as a cultural identity. I just happen to subscribe to http://www.medievalists.net which is a website dedictated to Medieval daily life and culture from the peasant cultural mores up to Royal feudal life and speech which I find very interesting and goes far into explaining mankind the and what makes us what we are today. Peter

[faizan3366]

nice forum.................

[Rick Rowland laparo]

I think there is a sicilian temper, my wife told me she was Sicilian after several years of marriage when I noticed the customs of the burial of her uncle, I guess I should have known when she told me that if I ever crossed her I would get a horse's head in my bed, and that if we ever got in a fight I would lose or she would win, it has been so interesting to live with her she has many funny traits she loves to throw things rings photos clocks and this last Christmas she flipped over the dining room table and broke it into pieces, it is always exciting living with her. When I see mafia movies a lot of things seem similar although I do not think her family was a member of the mafia who knows, the family started in the Bronx that moved to Upstate New York and to Pennsylvania

[jennabet]

I'm 100% Italian but I have never thrown or destroyed anything as I value my possessions. It sounds like your wife doesn't value hers -- or she's just a brat.

[BrownEyedGirl]

Ok. So growing up my mother was very verbally and emotionally abusive. My grandfather was to her as well. He was from Sicily and my mother was raised half in America, half there.

But, as an adult, as I've come to terms with our abusive relationship with them (I am totally fine now), I have to stop and wonder, how much is cultural? And how much is not?

Examples:

My grandfather would flip tables if food wasn't ready on time. He 'cut the bridge' with all of his family members over nothing. None of his children talk. And he only talks to one of his children.

My mother screams on top of her lungs, calling me all sorts of derogatory names. Growing up she told me I could do nothing right even though I went on to get highest GPA in my major, have been successful in life, family kids. Had a very straight and honest life- but she is very critical. Always tearing down. Always causing drama and yelling over small things. Even a few times, she floored her car down the highway with me in the car screaming "do you wanna die!".

So how much of this temper is cultural, and how much just isn't? Just curious.

Thanks!

I can relate, and I'm sorry you went through that.

My family isn't Sicilian. My mother's family was from Campania. There was abuse from some (not all) family members on my mother's side. But my father's family was Northern European and they were just as bad if not worse. So I'm on the fence about it being cultural.

Wishing you the best.

[brogie62]

My mother’s side is 100% Sicilian. I have never experienced any of that behavior in my relatives on that side. All really great people.

Kevin

[Rossonero3]

I am zero percent Sicilian, my family came from Caserta in Campania, but I think this is not a 'Sicilian' thing, but rather temperament from family to family no matter which region they live in or came from. My grandparents families came from different villages within Caserta but still fairly close to one another, but their temperaments were completely different. My grandfather and his side of the family were the nicest sweetest people ever and still are, while my grandmother's side was a different story. They were loud, her and her sisters were always fighting and wouldn't talk for years, it affected cousins also, turning against each other over stupid issues and holding grudges for a lifetime. My grandmother, while I remember her as being a sweet woman, especially to us kids, was at the same time mean to my grandfather, yelling or talking down to him a lot. Again, this isn't much different than most relationships anyways.

[cosmeticswish]

Personally I think you are on to something. I read this thread after googling this question.

Unfortunately I am estranged from the Sicilian side of my family; but there are all kinds of issues.

Before modern life, life was different. I think different cultures exhibit different temperments in a sort of strategic way; but not deliberately.

If you are successful, then you must be wondering somehow why you “get it” when it comes to these bizarre behavior patterns.

All behavior is communication, and you knew your mother before you could speak. I think going nuts is probably to instill resilience. I think shaming is to teach a child to “break” their shame. I think demands create competition and success.

Maybe I’m wrong.